Gabriel's past
by vanity is my name
Summary: A funny take on what Gabriel was like before the movie and how he ended up with Dracula's ring and all that fun stuff. At least I think it's funny...COMPLETE
1. Beginning of the story

**Disclaimer:** This is for you, oh so clever people who made VanHelsing!

The brown haired angel slept on his cloud. After delivering the message to Mary that she wouldn't have to get banged to have God's baby, he was really tired.

"Gabriel. Gabriel." The whispering voice made him turn over mumbling. "Gabriel! I need your help!" Gabriel jumped to his feet wiping away a few stray strands of hair.

"Someone needs my help! I must go to them!" He started flying through the clouds. "But where are they?"

"Gabriel, you moron, look behind you." Gabriel did as he was bid and, when he saw who it was, his heart stopped (again).

"I'm sorry your, uh, religousness. Didn't see you there." God rolled his eyes.

"I need you to meet with someone who can actually tolerate you- I mean, someone I'm sure you'll be friends with."

"Yes, Sir!" Gabriel saluted him. "Uh, where is this friend-to-be?"

"In the dark shadowy place I told you to never go to. Now go!"

"Yes, Sir!" Gabriel flew away. God put his head in his hands and slowly changed from a peaceful white to a dark evil red.

As the devil slipped back to Hell, he thought : _How does God put up with him?_:


	2. The 1st middle of the story

**Disclaimer**: I am running out of fun phrases to say that I own nothing.

"Hello! Friend-to-be! Where are you? It's me! Gabriel!"

"Stop yelling so loud. I'm right behind you." Gabriel spun around smiling. A very suave, elegant, handsome man stood behind him.

"Oh, hello. God sent me to be your friend." He said in an annoying manner looking around. "Nice place you got here."

"Uh, thanks."

"What's your name?"

"I am the Count Dracula. But all the girls that hero worship me call me Drac or You Sexy Piece Of Crap." he said with a tiny smile. He took of the ring on his finger. "As a token of our friendship," Dracula began to twitch, " I give you twitch twitch my ring." He gave the ring to Gabriel who immediately put it on his finger.

"Wow! Thanks! Hey, Dracula, you don't look so good. Maybe I should leave so that you can lay down." Dracula nodded frantically.

"YES! Go, please. I feel just disgusting. I _really_ need to go lay down."

"Okay. It was nice meeting you! Bye!"

"Sure it was. Bye."

When Gabriel flew away, Dracula ran as fast as he could to the nearest pond. When he got there, he vigorously began washing his mouth out.

"TOO MUCH NICENESS!" he screamed.


	3. The 2nd middle of the story

**Disclaimer**: For the 2nd to last time in this story, this does not belong to me!

When Gabriel got back to Heaven, he found God (the real one) and all the Angels waiting for him.

"Hi, everyone! Am I late for Heavenly Choir or something?" Suddenly, God was towering above the rest of them.

"Gabriel, you have been consorting with the damned undead souls."

"What makes you say that?" Gabriel said, lifting the hand with Dracula's ring. God gasped accompanied by the rest of the angels.

"You have been a bad angel, consorting with Count Dracula. As punishment, you shall be a fallen angel."

Gabriel's wings disappeared and he fell through the clouds.

"NOOOOOOO...!"

THUD! was the noise he made when he landed on Earth.

As for the angels and God? No worries. Their celebration began right. With a keg of beer.


	4. The End of the story

A/n: GAH! Sorry its taken so long. I could've sworn that I updated. Anyway, I don't own VanHelsing or any of the characters

Meanwhile, 3 monks emerged from the church in the Vatican searching for the source of the thud, only to find a handsome brown haired man laying on his back. They hurried over to him and began to question him seeing that he was awake.

"Who are you?"

"Where are you from?"

Why are you laying in horse dung?" Gabriel looked at them, tears filling his eyes.

"I am Gabriel." he answered quietly.

"Where are you from?"

"I can't remember. I don't remember anything about being a fallen angel because I was caught with the worst of the damned undead souls. Also because I got this ring as a token of friendship between Dracula and I. And because I don't remember I shall become sullen and miserable, never laughing." He frowned.

"Well, if you don't remember, then we won't remind you. In fact we will make a vanquisher of evil out of you."

"Does that mean that I'll be ridiculously ruggedly handsome, work with ridiculously cool weapons and wear ridiculous amounts of leather festooned with silver crucifixes?" VanHelsing asked excitedly.

"That's ridiculous!" the monk answered. "We would never make you wear ridiculous amounts of leather festooned with silver crucifixes. Only 20 pounds, and the crucifixes are plastic!"

"Sweet!" VanHelsing yelled. Then, remembering that he was supposed to be sullen and miserable, he frowned.

HA! It is complete. By the way, you do know that this is the real Vanity Is My Namw, right? It's not Gem. Anywho, thanx for reading and try some of my other stories. And never forget to review!


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